Bush: ‘Iran has Mythological Weapons’
President Bush made a speech to Congress today in which he made a compelling case for military action against Iran – on the grounds that they were now in possession of so-called ‘Mythological Weapons’.
Using top military intelligence gathered from Wikipedia, Mr Bush stated ‘Iran has openly admitted that it has been seeking to gain control of mythological weapons for many moons. We always knew they had Angra Mainyu; a giant of a man with a spotted body and two horns. We now know they also have Aži Raoiita, or Red Dragon. We have sattelite evidence they are prepared to use Aži Višapa, the Dragon of Poisonous Slaver, and Gandarša the yellow-heeled monster of the sea that can swallow twelve provinces at once.’
The Pentagon believe they have compelling evidence that Mr Ahmadinejad is prepared to use these terrible weapons against the West and that a three headed dragon attack could reach New York in under 45 minutes. Many in the Pentagon are urging military action before the fantasy monsters are unleashed. A recent poll has revealed that a majority of Americans are in favour of a pre-emptive strike against Tehran, with half of the sample favouring conventional bombing and the other half suggesting an attack by either Superman or the Fantastic Four.
Political journalists in the White House listened intently to every detail of the weapons and warriors that the Iranians have apparently developed from Persian mythology, but were incredulous at the President’s proposed response; ‘We will invade Iran and bring about the same peace and stability that we have brought to Iraq’ he said to laughter and heckling; ‘You guys are living in some kind of crazy fantasy world!’ shouted one observer.
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