NewsBiscuit

The government’s support for faith schools has come under further criticism following a damning Ofsted report for the first Jedi School, St Yoda Brownhoods.

The school, established in 2002 in the wake of the census which showed 390,000 people in the UK were registered Jedi, was revealed to be operating a covert selection policy and ignoring the National Curriculum. Ofsted inspectors said the pupils even lacked a basic grasp of English grammar, although the headteacher was ‘comment unwilling to’.

The report claimed that religious education was focused too narrowly around ‘the Force’, and school uniform was ‘scruffy and impractical’ with many of the student being encouraged to dress like hoodies, albeit in a sort of brown sackcloth thing.
Inspectors discovered serious bullying against droids while there was barely a fluorescant light bulb left that hadn’t been yanked out of its socket and used as a weapon against another pupil.

Students were bunking off for extended periods for reasons such ‘A hologram of a princess told me to’. Very few pupils were staying on until the Upper Sith.

However the new Jedi Academy has claimed that the Ofsted Inspection was biased and one-sided. They were particularly alarmed at the report’s conclusion that the Academy ‘must be wiped off the face of the universe’ in the words of the chief Ofsted inspector, a Mr D. Vader.

Zadok (with help from simon jmr, thackeray, uncle marvo and ianslat)

Posted: Nov 20th, 2007 by NewsBiscuit