Christmas shopper loses the will to live in Argos


A man was confirmed dead this morning following his collapse in the London, Victoria branch of Argos. Paramedics rushed to the scene after the shopper, confirmed as 32 year old Mark White, keeled over while waiting to collect a Nintendo Wii.

Store manager, Graham Deal, was today being questioned over the death after experts analysed CCTV footage and confirmed Mr White died as a direct result of ‘prolonged exposure’ to the Argos shopping system during the busy Christmas period.

CCTV analyst Felicity Smith stated this afternoon that ‘The tapes reveal an all too familiar pattern in Argos stores. Mr White is seen making polite conversation with a disinterested till operator before paying and waiting by collection point C. After about four and a half minutes the goods arrive, although one requested item seems to be missing. Suddenly the employee delegated to put things into bags becomes flustered when his ‘Received’ stamp runs out of ink, and wanders off leaving nobody on the frontline. Fifteen minutes passes, with staff trolling back and forth, building up larger and larger piles of goods for collection. Despite plaintive cries and pointing gestures towards the Nintendo box, Mr White was greeted with shrugs from staff members not trained to hand out people’s purchases, but only to place them on the counter, just out of reach. Then, all of a sudden, he fell to the ground – he literally lost the will to live.’

An Argos spokesman today claimed the death was being investigated, but denied claims that this was the third such in store death in the run up to Christmas. The scandal follows the recent spate of deaths in Argos, Brackley, where several shoppers choked on their own rage when told nobody present in the store had authority to approve payment with a fifty pound note. A police statement said that ‘Ongoing interviews with Argos staff would hopefully reveal more details. But at the moment they just sort of shrug and mumble at you.’

24 December 2007

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Posted: Dec 24th, 2007 by

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