Inner Cities being over-run by ‘Urban Farmers’

With life in the countryside becoming increasingly difficult, a number of farmers have been migrating to the cities, where they can now be spotted at night, disappearing behind advertising hoardings or making temporary homes on bits of waste land.

‘We’ve had an urban farmer and his family living behind our garden shed all winter’ said Mrs. Dalton of Kennington, London. There was the farmer, his wife, two grown up sons and about three hundred dairy cattle. It made a right mess of the flower beds.’

Other city dwellers have complained of the noise the urban farmers make in the small hours. ‘In the middle of the night you’ll suddenly hear them, scampering about, planting winter cabbage and driving tractors around the waste ground next door,’ said another local resident. ‘They’re bloody pests. I came down in the morning and all the plants in my garden had been harvested and wrapped up in a big black bin liner.’

Now there are calls to cull these so called ‘pests’ to prevent them causing any more havoc and expense. But other residents welcome these visitors from the countryside and leave out little treats for them at night, like large EU subsidies and unfashionable clothing. ‘I think they are sweet’ said Marjorie Simmonds of Bristol. ‘They bring a little bit of the countryside to the urban back garden. Although I’m not allowed in my garden anymore. Not since they fenced it off and put up big signs saying ‘Keep Out’.’