Hollywood solves scriptwriting crisis by cutting together ‘Alien Vs Rain Man’


Studio bosses hit back at the continuing writers strike and creative drought last night with the release of the thrilling yet touching blockbuster ‘Alien Vs Rain Man’.

The film, in which autistic Raymond Babbitt played by Dustin Hoffman has to battle against a double jawed perfect killing machine using mathematical deductions and an encyclopaedic knowledge of Abbot and Costello routines as his only weapons, is entirely writer free and was created by skilled editors splicing the two movies together and adding a touch of CGI magic where necessary.

This latest instalment in the lucrative ‘Versus’ range, whose tag line reads ‘In space no one cares if you can memorize a phone book’, looks set to break all box office records. Claims that the end product is uneven and hard to believe are dismissed by heavyweight studio exec Dan Schneider. ‘In no way is this cobbled together’, he insists. ‘Babbitt finds an Alien egg which clamps on his face shutting him up for a bit. Then it bursts out of his chest while reciting that ‘who’s on first’ skit. Babbitt is now seriously pissed as this has disrupted his strict evening routine. So begins a deadly game of cat and mouse. The Alien with his acid blood and Babbitt with his crazy maths skills. A perfect match. Don’t tell me you’re not hooked’.

When pressed about the appropriateness of portraying autism in deep space thriller Mr Schneider declared ‘It’s not all blood and gore. In fact there is a rather touching scene in which Raymond Babbitt and the Alien overcome their enmity and fears of human contact and lightly dance together in a Vegas casino.

As the strike continues the trend looks set for many such films for the summer. Already in production are; ‘E.T. Vs Deep Throat’, ‘Twelve Angry Elephant Men’ ‘Jaws at the Whistle Stop Cafe’ and ‘When Harry met Spartacus at Brokeback Mountain’.


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Posted: Jan 17th, 2008 by

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