The United Nations met in emergency session today following the shock news that Sofaland had unilaterally broken away from its historic rulers, the Kingdom of Leather.
The leather superpower has refused to recognize the separatist soft-furnishing republic, and has called on the UN to protect the vulnerable ‘leather sofa’ minority that wish to remain part of the disintegrating Kingdom. But without the crucial support of Curtain Kingdom which holds the balance of power in the region, Sofaland may struggle to hold on to its own ethnic Cushion community, which itself is looking for autonomy.
The United Nations already has troops in the region, following the last year’s break–up of Furnitureland, and there are fears that British forces may have to be redeployed away from their peace-keeping duties in PineVillage and CarpetCity. But soft furnishing torture has still not yet been fully stamped out by the occupying forces; with one recent report of a carpet being stretched out and nailed to the floor, while a range of curtains were discovered hanging in a showroom in a nearby retail park. ‘They look like they’d been ruffed up,’ said a British officer.
As the crisis deepens, World of Beds has offered asylum to fleeing sofa-beds who have until now been forced to hide their bed-like heritage. ‘We have no historic homeland’ said a spokesman for the oppressed sofa-bed community. ‘We are part sofa, part bed; it is time for the politicians to sit down and sort this out. Or lie down. We can’t decide.’
29th January 2008