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Presidential candidates make pitch for ‘internet porn addicts’ vote

The US Presidential race finally entered the spirit of the internet age this week when the leading candidates made direct appeals to one of the largest demographics in the United States; the internet pornography community.

Although politicians have long recognized the potential power of the internet they have previously shied away from being associated with the largest user group on the web. All that changed this week when John McCain’s campaign team persuaded him to appear in a hardcore video alongside internet porn star Jenna Jameson. ‘Although the image of the senator grasping Ms Jameson’s breasts and shouting ‘God Bless America’ may not endear him to liberal women voters, he made a judgement that they were not going to vote for him anyway,’ explained Andrew Marr. ‘But the veteran Republican’s apparent sexual stamina and in-depth knowledge of the most popular sexual positions on the web is playing well with blue collar workers in swing states. He’d never have won Florida without that scene with the cheerleaders walking into the wrong house.’

Within days the other leading candidates were making a pitch for this newly identified demographic. ‘Traditionally American voters have been categorized by race or class, but spending hours staring at a couple of strangers have sex on your lap-top is a future that cuts across all the outdated labels of Hispanic, Black or W.A.S.P’ said a spokesman for Barack Obama’s campaign team. For this reason Obama has apparently chosen to shun the old fashioned racial stereotype of well-endowed superstud. ‘Obama’ has now become the most popular search on www.BlacksBoneBlondes.com.

However most successful of all is Hilary Clinton, who has enlisted the experience of her husband. The couple star in a hardcore BDSM video entitled ‘Naughty boy must be punished’ in which Hilary the dominatrix turns up at her husband’s work to find him having sex with a younger woman. For this he is then tied to a desk, stripped and beaten with a riding crop. ‘It’s very convincing’ said Andrew Marr, ‘You’d almost think it all happened for real.’

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Posted: Feb 1st, 2008 by NewsBiscuit

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