Queen admits to employing family members

Her Majesty the Queen has been forced to admit that she employs over seventy of her family members using public money.

The news first broke last week when the Queen was criticised for claiming £14m to pay her son Charles. Apart from a brief spell in the forces, it appears that Charles has in fact been unemployed for the last thirty years with little evidence of any attempt to gain new skills or undertake training. Yet the Queen has consistently kept him on the payroll, first as an ‘heir to the throne’ and then later as a ‘Prince of Wales’. He currently lists his job title as His Royal Highness The Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales and Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles, Prince and Great Steward of Scotland.

It has since come out that the Queen employs many more family members from the public purse including her husband, a Greek immigrant called Philip. There are claims that as a foreign national he did not even have the most basic of security checks before getting employment in Buckingham Palace. Many of the Queen’s children, nieces and nephews are also believed to be on the payroll of the state, despite appearing to do little or no work for the country.

The matter has been referred to the Metropolitan Police and a spokesman for the force, Detective Inspector Ralph Downing, admitted the investigation was proving difficult. ‘The family has covered its tracks well,’ he revealed. ‘People who, at first sight, appear not to be related to the Queen later turn out to be cousins or spouses’, he said, ‘Or in many cases, both.’