Environmentalists to withdraw protection for ‘Rubbish Animals’


The World Wide Fund for Nature has decided that certain species of animal are facing extinction due to their own crappy design, and unless they are prepared to evolve a bit quicker, then their imminent extinction will be nobody’s fault but theirs.

The ruling has been ratified by other environmental groups around the world who are fed up with trying to preserve fussy eaters or rare mammals that refuse to learn not to walk trustingly up to humans who are carrying great big hunting rifles.’

‘There is a rare flightless bird in Tasmania called the Ewonda,’ said WWF spokesman Michael Deane. ‘It is an elusive and beautiful bird. However as birds go, the whole ‘flightless’ thing is a bit of a basic design fault. Since man brought cats to the island, this shy nocturnal creature has been hunted almost to extinction. People say the cats shouldn’t be there. We say; learn to fly and the problem’s solved.’

Another speaker at the WWF’s ‘Shape up or Ship Out’ conference said; ‘People are always saying how amazing evolution is. Like the chronically overfished Pacific salmon has evolved this ability to swim across the Ocean, leap up Canadian rivers and then spawn in the very stream in which it was born. Yeah, that’s quite impressive. But while it was learning to do all that, it might have thought about evolving a flesh that didn’t taste quite so delicious when lightly smoked and served with a slice of lemon.’

The conference passed the resolution overwhelmingly and then broke for a buffet lunch of wind-dried panda with a white rhino jus.


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Posted: Feb 6th, 2008 by

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