NewsBiscuit

American presidential front runner Barack Obama has promised to narrow the massive inequalities in the girth of twenty-first century Americans. The pledge came at a rally in a packed 2,000 seater hall, although the actual numbers attending were fewer than that due to the high numbers requiring two seats.

‘For too long the poorest people in this great country have had to carry all the body fat’ he declared to loud cheers. ‘Once there was a time in America when the rich were stout and working people were lean. But today America’s body fat weighs down upon the shoulders of the poor. And on their thighs, their midriff, their chins, their upper arms, all over really…’

The gross inequalities in body mass are everywhere to see in the world’s richest country. On the boulevards and in the parks of California, the tanned and super-thin bodies of the young rich professionals are flaunted by their proud owners as they rollerblade past the obese and waddling poor. But despite the rhetoric from politicians, the gap between fat and thin continues to increase. And with America’s National Fat growing under successive governments Obama’s promise of reducing inequality is an appealing one.

‘We will build a country where a lettuce is not the preserve of the super-rich, where cheese-burgers with extra fries will be served in the most exclusive restaurants,’ he told the cheering crowd who would have given him a standing ovation if they had been able to get out of their chairs.

‘That Obama talks a lot of sense…’ said one obese voter who lives on a trailer park in West Virginia. ‘I agreed with every word he said about physical appearance and equality and all that. But I’ll still be voting for the Republicans cos their guy ain’t a nigger.’

NewsBiscuit

Posted: Feb 7th, 2008 by NewsBiscuit