Top singers, actors, dancers and rock stars have all been queuing up in the hope of getting a steady job in accountancy in the latest talent show to top the ratings in the United States.
‘I always had this secret dream that I might one day work in some area of financial management’ said an excited Beyonce, ‘but this TV show means that at last there is the chance that my dreams might come true…’ she said as she practised her audition piece with her calculator and spreadsheet. Contestants have just thirty seconds to impress the judges with their advice on tax returns and deductible expenses. But only a few lucky ones will go forward to ‘Accountancy Camp’ where the heartache and elation of discovering who has the talent to go all the way will be watched by millions of viewers.
‘Ever since I was a kid I used to practise accountancy in my bedroom…’ confessed Amy Winehouse. ‘I’ve sent a few tables of some projected expenses into all the big firms, but even though they kept rejecting me, I always believed I had the financial acumen and auditing skills to make my dreams come true.’
‘This means the whole world to me’ wept Rihanna, after being told that she wouldn’t be going forward to the next round. The judges have been accused of being too brutal with some of the accountancy hopefuls. ‘You call that deductible!’ shouted one of the professionals to a tearful Madonna as he tore up her illegible receipts from some holiday gift shop. ‘Forget it sweetheart. You’ll never make an accountant; you’ll just be an iconic rock superstar for the rest of your life.
‘I’ll come back next year, and the year after that’ wept Madonna. ‘I’ll just keep hold of my dream until I reach the top. As long as I can offset the projected expenses against my partner’s small business on an overseas leaseback account… No, hang on that’s not right…’