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Essex man completes ‘all the porn on the internet’

Wayne Harris, an unemployed builder from Chigwell made history this week by becoming the first man in the world to have perused all the pornography on the Internet. The historic moment occurred late on Thursday 21 February, when Mr Harris started to notice that some of the images he was accessing seemed a little familiar, and suddenly he realised he was now on his second time around.

‘This is a great British success story’ said a spokesman for 10 Downing Street. ‘When it comes to reaching the South Pole or circumnavigating the globe the British have too often been the runners up. But here is an example of a 21st century British explorer who has planted the Union Flag on the new frontier of the digital age.’

Mr Harris, or ‘Sir Wayne’ as he is soon expected to become, never set out to be achieve this historic first but admitted ‘I just really like looking at pornography. I spend most days, and nights in fact, just clicking from one link to the next, and entering random obscene ideas in my search engine. But I suppose that is dedication of a sort, and I feel a sort of pride that I should be the most porn-obsessed man in the whole world.’

Wayne has received a flood of invitations from schools and youth clubs as a role model and possible mentor to Britain’s young people, but he is not rushing into anything just yet. ‘Being a motivational speaker is all very well. But it would mean pulling myself away from my computer screen for five minutes. And right now I’m in the middle of downloading a blurred video of these Thai women rubbing baby oil on a dwarf.’

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2008 by goatboy

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