Car designers faced with the joint problems of increasing traffic and inner city pollution have come up with a radical solution by developing a car powered entirely by the driver’s anger.
Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson was highly impressed by the power of the so called AngerCar™ as he drove around the Wandsworth One Way System. ‘I’m currently doing a comfortable 30 mph, Oi, get out of the way you stupid bastard, no 40 mph, oh no bloody speed cameras, 50 mph, road humps, God I hate those…’
The owners of AngerCars™ are encouraged to display annoyingly smug and self-righteous stickers in their back window to irritate other drivers and thereby generate more fuel. Unfunny Garfield stickers, or signs warning that the driver has ‘show dogs in transit’ have also been shown to generate enough irritation to power the vehicles for hundreds of miles. ‘Anger is the perfect fuel for modern drivers…’ explained the Transport Minister, ‘as it is cheap, clean and endlessly renewable no don’t block the yellow box you stupid tosser!’ shouted Ruth Kelly.
‘Oh no, not her…’ groaned the driver in the next lane.
However test drives in traffic-free rural areas have proved unsatisfactory, as the AngerCar kept coming to a halt. This design fault is to be countered with a specially adapted personal Sat Nav, that tells you where you went wrong in your life, the tragic consequences of your mistakes you made, and how much you would now be earning if you hadn’t been so stupid.