NewsBiscuit

The world’s most famous bicycle race, the Tour de France, has found a new sponsor which has insisted on allowing its distinctive pizza delivery mopeds to take part in the gruelling competition.

Pronto Pizza of Balham will sponsor the Tour de France for the next three years during which time, the rules will accommodate their fleet of delivery drivers on petrol-driven mopeds to compete alongside the conventional racing cycle preferred by the traditionalists.

‘This is outrageous’ claimed French sports minister Jean-Pierre Bertillon ‘This destroys the whole concept of the human endurance that makes our race the greatest in the world. American fast food and motor vehicles have no place in this event.’ Although it had been feared that the pizza deliverers would have an unfair advantage over the cyclists, early trials have shown the pizza mopeds still lagged far behind due to a poor grasp of local road layouts and the need to go back to base because they had forgotten the garlic bread.

The first cyclists set off from the Arc de Triomph and down the Champs-Elysee, but several mopeds immediately went off in the wrong direction and were seen looking at a road map on the wrong side of the River Seine. Another stopped to drink the large bottle of Coke that was supposed to be free with all orders over £10, while another stopped to check that his pizzas were arranged in a vertical position so that all the cheese slid off the base during the journey. By the time the cyclists reached the Alps, only a couple of mopeds remained in the race, where they buzzed past with their top boxes flapping open just in case any warmth remained in any of the food.

‘It’s brought the Tour de France bang up to date’ said the manager of Pronto Pizza, Kevin Doyle. ‘And it wouldn’t be fair to expect our lads to cycle. They’ve already had to walk round the entire route, sticking twenty-five leaflets through every letter box on the way.’

NewsBiscuit

Posted: Mar 7th, 2008 by NewsBiscuit