An English undergraduate was subjected to an extended internal body search yesterday for declaring to US customs ‘I have nothing to declare except my own genius.’ Morris Stevens, a foppish Cambridge literature student was immediately marched to a back room, where two burly customs officers pulled on rubber gloves and carried out an extended cavity searched for the genius of which Morris had boasted.
‘Third time this week and it don’t get any funnier’ said Customs Officer, Charlie Gill; ‘Smart-ass English private school boys who think they are Oscar Wilde. We have a procedure now. We say, ‘you couldn’t resist it could you?’ And if they say ‘I can resist everything except temptation, Officer,’ then we pin them to the floor.’
Gill also explained that some jokers are also asked what they think of the United States and if they trot out the Oscar Wilde line that ‘America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between’ then they get 300 pound ‘Big Brad’ to pull on the rubber glovers. ‘Brad has much bigger fists. It’s our own tribute to a different side of Oscar Wilde.’