NewsBiscuit

The government’s citizenship plans were in disarray this week when it emerged that plans for school leavers to swear an oath of allegiance to Her Majesty had been outflanked by the Queen herself swearing an oath to a South London street gang.

The Brixton posse known as ‘The Crips’, based on the Los Angeles gang of the same name, gained their newest member at a private ceremony behind some lock-up garages near Clapham North tube station. Baring her forearm to allow a local gangleader to fashion an amateur tattoo, Her Majesty pledged to uphold the honour of the Crips Set and ‘kill da bad-ass Blood Set Mothers’.

Certain royal engagements, such as a meeting of the Commonwealth Enterprise Forum had to be postponed while Her Majesty undertook new responsibilities of tagging a railway bridge and standing on street-corners selling small amounts of crack-cocaine.

But the government insisted that her newest commitment should not affect their plans for school leavers to swear loyalty to the Queen. ‘Whether the Queen is in the Crips or the Bloods should not affect how much she is loved and respected and by the British people at large’ said Lord Goldsmith. ‘It is the institution of the Crown as personified by the Queen to which we pledge ourselves. The fact that the Crown has a blue bandana around it with ‘Blood Killa’ is completely irrelevant.’

NewsBiscuit

Posted: Mar 12th, 2008 by NewsBiscuit