NewsBiscuit

The row over this year’s secondary school admissions took an unexpected turn today as it emerged that parents who had failed to get their child into their first choice local comprehensive were being placed by their local education authority at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry instead.

Applications at Hogwarts have been dropping off since the end of the Harry Potter stories that first brought the school to national attention, with most parents now seeking a broader education for their children than one that concentrates so exclusively on such subjects as ‘Potions’ and ‘Defence Against the Dark Arts’.

‘I don’t want my daughter flying around on a bloody broomstick’ said Karen Matthews, mother of Chelsea 11, who has been told by her local authority that Hogwarts is the only available school in their area. ‘She wants to get her GCSEs and then get a normal job. How many companies are recruiting young people who can turn their customers into cats for Christ sake?’

But with fewer wizard and witch children applying to Hogwarts this year, the shortfall will have to be made up by so-called Muggles’ or non-Wizards, despite fears that this may lead to bullying and division. ‘We want to build inclusive and multi-faith schools’ said Education minister Ed Balls. ‘Parents should keep an open-mind about considering City Academies that specialize in wizardry and magic.’

Other parents have objected to their children being offered Hogwarts on other grounds. ‘The thing that really get me about this’ said parent Duncan McEwan, ‘Is that the only secondary school place they have offered my child is at a fictional school that doesn’t really exist. As things stand, come September my daughter is supposed to go to Kings Cross station, where she will run into a wall expecting to emerge on platform 9 ¾ to catch the Hogwarts Express. Whereas in fact she will simply run into a wall, and probably bruise herself quite badly.’

The government said it would look into claims that other Year 6 students have been offered places at fictional schools such as St Trinians, Bash Street School and Grange Hill, but insisted that the school for wizardry made famous by J.K. Rowling did exist. ‘Hogwarts is every bit as real as the government’s policy of Parental Choice.’

See also:
Parents to be notified if their children are working class

NewsBiscuit

Posted: Mar 13th, 2008 by NewsBiscuit