Tenzin Gyatso, the exiled spiritual leader of the Tibetan people found himself at the centre of a political controversy today when it was revealed that he had neglected to enter a number of gifts and good deeds done to him by fellow Buddhists in the Official Register. Since the so-called Cash for Reincarnation Scandal of the late 90s, it has been mandatory that senior Buddhists report all gifts, considerate deeds or just kindly thoughts of which they have been the chief beneficiary.
‘The karma register was devised to ensure that powerful Buddhists were not abusing their position – but it has got the stage that you can’t even hold a door open for the Prime Minster of Sri Lanka without him having to make a note of it…’ claimed a spokesman for the Dalai Lama.
Among the specific charges against the spiritual leader of Tibet is that on 13 February he left his umbrella in a restaurant but was reunited with it when a fellow diner came rushing out after him having noticed his absent mindedness. ‘There is no record of this random act of kindness’ said the Official Karma Watchdog; ‘Nor of the occasion when his holiness mentioned that he liked early Britpop, and one of his office support staff did him a compilation CD of Blur, Pulp and Oasis.’ Under the strict rules laid down in an appendix to the Kangyur or sacred texts, all samsaric good karma must now be declared.
‘People have been praying for him, sending their figurehead best wishes and good luck messages and only a fraction of this good karma appears in the official record,’ said the Karma Czar. ‘We have a copy of a letter from an Glastonbury woman who said she was sending out positive energy to the Tibetan leader, but he has not recorded how much positive energy he received nor the dates on which he sensed it.’
A spokesman for the Dalai Lama claimed that this ‘very minor scandal’ had been whipped up by the Chinese authorities to try and deflect from their own oppression in Tibet, but added ‘Anyway, failing to register the good karma is bad karma, so the karma is cancelled out and he’s back to where he was in the first place.’