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Pope/Bear hybrid found in Vatican toilets

Scientists confirmed yesterday that the hairy creature found squatting under a washbasin at St Peter’s was one of two escaped ‘Papa-Ursus’, the world’s first creatures to combine both papal and ursine DNA.

The animals, known as B16 and B17, broke out of Switzerland’s Genetic Research Centre last week, forcing the institute to acknowledge for the first time in public that such cloning work had taken place. Dr Claus Ratman, the director, said ‘there is no danger to the general public. If you see a bear wearing a cassock please call the Escaped Papal Bear Helpline, especially if it tries to engage you in a conversation on the rights and wrongs of abortion. These animals will not breed in the wild as they’re celibate – at least they claim to be.’

Many observers had always been convinced that the genetic scientists were always engaged in such controversial experiments. ‘Course they were…’ remarked one cynic. ‘Does the Pope shit in the woods. No hang on, I mean, is the bear a Catholic?’

‘We tried to warn you all about this’ said a Vatican spokesman. ‘Scientists start off by trying to cure cancer, and before you know it they’re fashioning monsters that make infallible doctrinal pronouncements before popping into the woods to relieve themselves. Where will it all end? These scientists, they are dressing up in white robes, growing long white beards, surrounding themselves with harp playing angels and then sitting on a cloud. And the question we have to ask ourselves is ‘Are they playing God?’

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2008 by SuburbanDad

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