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GM crops to make the countryside more colourful

The choice of just green or yellow fields in the British countryside is set to widen as farmers are being offered a variety of colours for crops such as mustard or oil seed rape. Scientists at Monsanto have developed a range of genetically modified plants to allow farmers to express their sensitive side, and soon the British countryside will be a patchwork of pink, purple and blue.

‘My wife and I are looking for a sort of ‘Sahara Dawn’ for the lower field, but will that go with the next field which we’ve done in ‘Arctic Mint’? pondered Farmer Jim Gregson as he and his wife flicked through the latest colour cards. ‘Next door they have still got yellow oil seed rape, I mean really! That is so 2006!’ With some cross contamination there has been a certain amount of ‘smudging’ of colours at the edges which has led to some of the more tempermental farmers almost coming to blows.

Other landowners are investigating the possibilities of advertising; one field may soon feature the Nike tick only be visible from the air, while on a larger scale discussions are underway between DEFRA and Tesco which may result in the catchphrase ‘Every Little Helps’ being spelt out right across the British Isles for browsers on Google Earth.

For the time being, Henry Temple, an Oxford farmer and leading light in the Countryside Alliance is making a small fortune charging visitors a fee to walk around his portrait in oil seed of Baroness Thatcher. ‘I always admired her,’ he said, ‘and let’s face it, it’s less effort than having to make all those bloody crop circles.’

However there are some concerns that rogue colour genes might contaminate some other crops leading to pink corn on the cob and light blue garden peas. ‘You won’t actually be able to eat the food…’ said Jim Gregson, ‘but at least it will look pretty and that’s half the battle these days.’

Team Biscuit

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2008 by red

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