NewsBiscuit

US President George Bush surprised the global media yesterday by making an unannounced visit to the real world. Bush, who has been criticised by some for appearing to be too aloof and out of touch with regular voters was airlifted into the real world by helicopter and spent nearly an hour chatting to real-life US voters and addressing some of their concerns.

During the President’s fact-finding mission he made a point of asking searching questions of the local inhabitants, such as ‘why has that row of cars stopped at a red light’, and ‘what sort of people do you invite to your banquet?’

‘At first he seemed a little puzzled by it all’ said one voter. ‘He asked if the tax cuts for the super rich gave us an incentive to work harder, and we explained that most of us were already holding down two or three jobs just to survive. “The folks at your golf club must wonder where you’ve got to” he said.’

Another real world inhabitant recounted that he had talked to the President about his concerns for environment; ‘I told him how I’d been out to Alaska to see the effects of drilling for oil, and he asked if I had seen the happy polar bears dancing with penguins to celebrate the multi-national investment in their neighbourhood.’

A White House spokesman said it had long been the President’s intention to spend time in the real world, meeting people and finding out how things work down there and denied they had been alarmed by the President’s comments once he had become acclimatized to reality.

‘Jeez, I really didn’t realise that Iraq was such a mess,’ the President said at the end of his visit. ‘People blowing themselves up all over the place, civilians being slaughtered – God, it’s just a disaster. Back home oil prices are going through the roof, the economy is a disaster zone, and don’t even get me started on our gun laws…’

However when the President returned to work at the Oval Office, he insisted that the trip had been ‘well worthwhile’, showing him how important the war in Iraq really was. ‘I remain convinced that we will soon see a safe, prosperous Iraq emerge’. He also reassured the American people that his economic policies would see the US through the credit crunch, that Dick Cheney was a talented and generous individual, and that he was sure that Charlton Heston would come through this bout of ill health.

Team Biscuit

Posted: Apr 9th, 2008 by NewsBiscuit