Prime Minister Gordon Brown found some comfort in this week’s dismal local election results when he learnt that Labour’s performance in fictional towns and cities was far better than results across the rest of the country as a whole. Posing for the cameras with the newly elected Labour Mayor of Casterbridge, Gordon Brown claimed that it was typical of the media to focus on Labour’s losses in places that really existed.
‘When you look at the whole picture’ said a Downing Street spokesman, ‘Labour has done pretty well in the key battlegrounds of Barchester and Middle Earth.’ Downing Street figures claim the county council of Midsomer saw a swing to Labour from ‘No Overall Control’ despite concerns about rising crime in the area. ‘Health issues in Holby City help Labour gain two seats off ‘Ratepayers’ and the Greens’ said the government spokesman. Labour apparently also gained three councillors in the London Borough of Walford, where locals in the Queen Vic pub in Albert Square celebrated by cheering, shouting and then fighting one another. In ‘Weatherfield’, another of the so-called non-existent marginals Labour increased its share of the vote on a reduced turnout, although angry farmers are being blamed for Labour’s failure in Emmerdale one of several target fantasy locations it failed to take.
‘The city of Atlantis was always a lost cause for us’ said Labour.. ‘But when people see the difference that new Labour councils make in places like Ambridge, Fulchester and Walmington-on-Sea’ we are confident that they’ll come back to Labour. When pressed about exactly when this Labour revival might take place, the government spokesman would only say ‘A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.’