The one million year extended warranty that covers Planet Earth in the event of loss or breakages will not be honoured it was revealed today. Man has apparently broken the terms of the agreement on seventeen separate points, including ‘inappropriate misuse’, ‘over-exposure to sunlight’ and more imminently ‘immersing in water’.
Early man was persuaded to take out the policy 200,000 years ago as the fragility of Earth became apparent due to early deforestation and exploitation of its natural resources. He also felt slightly pressured by the sales assistant and thought it would be easier to make the regular payments and be done with it. However it appears that he may now rue a failure to read the small print, due to laziness, habit or possibly the absence of any formal written language at the times.
Criticised by his partner for paying all this money down the millennia and getting absolutely no cover in return, one man finally snapped and said ‘All right, all right, it’s not the end of the world. Oh it is apparently.’