Bull owner Juan Gonzales held a press conference yesterday claiming that his bull ‘Titan’ was more than ready for the big fight in Cadiz at the weekend and that he expected a comfortable victory for his prized ‘toro’.
‘I know my record is not great in this competition, but this is the big one we’ve been training for. Titan is fit, he’s ready, we’re expecting that poor matador to concede in the first couple of minutes,’ Juan told journalists covering the big fight.
Juan has bred and trained over twenty bulls for the Spanish bull-fighting circuit, but every single one of them has ended up on the losing side, having a sword stuck in their back and dying a slow and humiliating death in front of a cheering crowd. ‘But I remain optimistic…’ Juan insisted when this was pointed out to him. ‘I think we’re due a win, and this is my most prized bull yet.’
‘It doesn’t slightly concern you that there is a large butcher’s van parked outside the stadium?’ asked one journalist. ‘Not at all. That’s a cheap publicity stunt by the other side. If I were them I would make sure their health cover is up to date. Titan is going to walk this one!’
Sadly Juan’s optimism was unfounded and ‘Titan’ was put to death in the first ten minutes. Although the bull made some aggressive charges towards the matador, he had not reckoned on his opponents tactic of suddenly jumping out of the way at the last minute. ‘Damn, I was really sure we were going to win this time. What am I going to tell my wife?’ mused Mr Gonzales. ‘I bet all our life savings on a victory for the bull.’