With oil prices continuing to rise, makers of the popular cooking range Aga have introduced a new nuclear powered model which is proving particularly popular in the gentrified rural areas of Britain.
The iconic cooker, a familiar sight in the country’s converted farmhouses and second homes had become an indispensable status symbol for those in search of the idyllic rustic dream. But now the traditional range has come bang up to date with the latest Aga containing a small nuclear reactor with which to cook the jacket potatoes.
‘We all love our nuclear powered Aga’ said Penny Winstanley from Gloucestershire as the last clump of her hair fell to the floor. ‘When the reactor core is turned up to maximum, the whole house seems to have a warm glow. We hatched out some chicks on it as well, which was a great success, with a couple of extra legs on each bird.’
The Nuclear Agas are primarily used for cooking, but can also provide central heating and hot water, while surplus plutonium can be sold off in the small ads of Country Life magazine. Fears that terrorists might gain access to the plutonium were dismissed however. ‘Muslims? Round here?’ said Penny Winstanley. ‘Don’t be ridiculous – we’d spot them a mile off!’
Other concerns have been expressed by environmental groups about the safety of these nuclear Agas. ‘A Chernobyl type explosion could destroy much of Gloucestershire’, warned Spike Harris of Greenpeace. ‘All those people who wear tweed caps and drive those 4x4s and complain about the hunting ban might be at enormous risk. Still, not to worry.’