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Prison ‘Daddy’ upset at lack of Fathers’ Day cards

Jimmy ‘The hacksaw’ McCarthy, ‘The Daddy’ of B Wing at Wormwood Scrubs Prison in North West London, said he was ‘more hurt and upset than angry’ after he failed to receive a single card from fellow inmates on Father’s Day.

‘I know I can be a bit of a disciplinarian with the boys,’ sniffed the convicted armed robber, ‘but it’s tough love, really. I’d have hoped for a card; even just one of those giant bunny-shaped ones signed by everybody – and maybe a present. It wouldn’t have had to be much, some smellies, or a pack of novelty golf balls I could put in a sock when things kick off.’

McCarthy had tried to drop hints as the day approached, going from cell to cell and marking June 15th with a little star on all the Page 3 calendars, and in the run-up to the day he would cuddle any new arrivals whose heads he happened to be pounding against the concrete floor as soon as they correctly identified him as being ‘the Daddy’.

‘I know I’m not their real dad, but I look at these blokes like my kids’, he continued, ‘well not literally like my kids – especially not the poofy ones with long hair I have to teach lessons to in the shower block, that’d be nasty – but still, we’re supposed to be a family…’

The only person to remember to get a present for Jimmy was his young son Trevor whom the veteran con hasn’t seen since his arrest by police marksmen during Trevor’s memorable third birthday party at a Kilburn McDonalds. However his estranged 15 year old son was unable to deliver the 41 inch plasma TV gift that he had got from Dixons. Young Trevor was detained by police after driving a stolen vehicle into the shop window, and then finding himself unable to find the reverse gear.

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Posted: Jun 15th, 2008 by nealdoran

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