Spy chiefs faced further embarrassment today when it was revealed that the secret undercover Aston Martin used by agent 007 had been accidentally left on the 5.15 supasaver to Didcot Parkway.
The top spy’s sports car, which was handed in by a concerned citizen to a local newspaper, features an interesting range of modifications and accessories, such as ejector seat and revolving number plates, and is clearly marked ‘Top Secret’ on its tax disc. According to an M15 insider, this major breach of national security has simply been put down to everyday human error, ‘he just got up from his seat and failed to look round as he left. We’ve all done it.’
But the train operator says this is not the first time that mysterious gadgets have been discovered on their route. Just last month a ticket inspector found an oversized jet pack, and the week before he came across a Martini cocktail shaker that cleverly converted into a helicopter gun ship. ‘I didn’t think much of it at the time. We find all sorts of things on the train.’
Network Rail have confirmed that secret spy documents are now given out as standard on Business Class, but for anyone who missed them, the classified state secrets have now been accidentally posted on You Tube by an MI5 insider.
The government have responded quickly and decisively to the latest embarrassing security news, commissioning an immediate investigation. But their findings could not be shared with MPs as unfortunately they had been left on the Swanley Hoppa. James Bond may now have to face tough questions from a Parliamentary Committee while strapped to a metal table as it is slowly cut in two by a laser beam.
Meanwhile the guard who found the Aston Martin spy car has revealed that it is not just the British Secret Services who leave important things on trains. ‘Last month I found some documents marked ‘Highly Classified’ and I just recycled them with all the copies of Metro. It wasn’t from MI5 though. I think it said ‘Spectre’. It was like a blueprint for a secret underground nuclear missile silo or something. Was that important?’
Hennell (story plus pic, with one line Steve20 and Raccoon)