NewsBiscuit

Gideon Gono, the embattled Governor of the Bank of Zimbabwe has been forced to write to the President of Zimbabwe explaining why the country’s inflation target of one million per cent has not been met this financial quarter.

The Zimbabwe retail price index just edged over the official target to 1,000,003%, although it is hard to gain a precise guide to current prices as there is nothing in any of the shops across most of the country. However official figures claim that cornmeal and maize have remained steady at 25,000,000 Zimbabwean dollars a kilo, though machetes and ankle irons have edged up in price due to increased demand over the holiday period.

The governor’s letter seems keen to stress that the fault of the inflation rise lies with everybody except President Mugabe, war veterans and Zanu (PF). ‘Your Excellency the democratically elected President Mugabe…’ he writes. ‘Western Imperialists and bad magic of MDC have conspiring push up inflation in our great motherland. Much bad spirits and ancestors of Morgan Tsvangirai have been spread by the one remaining white farmer who fails recognise your unanimous victory in peaceful election. Land reforms not pursued vigorous enough – all fault of mind-poison by Tony Blair, George Bush and BBC World Service.’

The last Governor of the Bank of Zimbabwe also failed to meet his inflation target and disappeared soon after during an official visit to the Limpopo Crocodile Petting Zoo. But Mr Gono is keen to distance himself from the policies of his predecessor, stressing that he was not an enthusiastic enough supporter of Mr Mugabe’s genius for financial affairs.

‘Only with father of nation President Mugabe will inflation follow your strict orders to drop below million per cent. Army must execute all farm animals costing too many dollars, fuel and crops must be burnt to chase out MDC evil magic – this wise Zanu PF policy guarantee economic stability. AIDS created by Imperialist U.S. Scientists drive up prices – reporters from BBC2’s Newsnight must be forbidden broadcast sex virus with their bad sorcery. Long live President Mugabe! Vote Zanu PF! Must dash now, war veterans just arrived to congratulate me on my unwavering support…’

NewsBiscuit

Posted: Jun 18th, 2008 by NewsBiscuit