NewsBiscuit

A British sports star has finished her attempt for an Olympic medal by neither winning in a blaze of glory nor spectacularly ‘crashing out’ but instead, after putting up a respectable showing, finishing somewhere in the middle of the field. Pippa Newington, taking part in an Olympic three day non-event, performed almost to the very best of her ability, but was beaten into 5th place by four other competitors, who just happened to be better than her. Her coach pointed out this merely reflected her performance ‘on the day’, and added that she should have done better, or perhaps maybe even worse, depending on your point of view.

Non-eventing is a traditional British sport in which a competitor attempts to clear a hurdle of media interest by heavily flogging a dead horse, either resulting in a cheerful and grateful nation back home or ridicule in the nation’s tabloid press. But this is thought to be the first time that such a non-event has happened in non-eventing since pretty much the last time it happened, leaving pundits and commentators verbally unable to express their feelings about it, with most claiming an attack of almost total ambivalence. Although many of them admit to having difficulty even looking at a camera after today’s events, the true professionals are still managing to ’smile on through.’

‘Of course there are the stars who you expect to do well and there are those who are just tagging along and who’ll get nowhere at all,’ said Team GB coach Grant Harewood, ‘but it’s really hard for everyone to express an opinion on the ones who end up halfway down the table. We expected at least 5 of our competitors to break a few hearts after raising British hopes with some small non-event wins earlier in the year, but what can I say, maybe something will happen tomorrow.’

Mr Harewood added; ‘Yes I know it’s a cynical game, but even so we’ll be having another go in four years’ time, if any of us can be bothered – it’s either that or a proper job and actually, I don’t think that’s going to happen. But the most difficult thing is that the final results were very tight and it’s so painful for Pippa to sit there and think through were she went wrong, how she could have beaten the Italians to a medal if her tactics had been right, and how she missed out by just 0.2 seconds on a lucrative and long-lasting career in the media.’

reginald

Posted: Aug 13th, 2008 by robd