Didn’t do so well in your GCSE’s? Didn’t get the grades you were hoping for? (By the way, never end a sentence with a preposition!) Never mind, now you can simply download a certificate off the internet and fill in any results you want. They’ll never know, and besides most of your course work’s been cribbed (that means copied) from the internet anyway, so why not the end result? Go for it, what harm can it do?
This offer is exclusively available from NewsBiscuit and about 50,000 other reputable websites for people who haven’t quite got what they need to go on to their next stage.
Are the results of your contempories a bit better than last year? Never mind. With Certificate-to-go(TM) You too can move forward to face your chosen career with confidence. It’s simple….
Let’s say you got a B in Media Studies and you’re desperate to take it further. Don’t worry. With our certificate, you can fill in whatever you need. If Sharon in Form 5B did better than you, simply download our template and fill in the blanks. Be sure to write in capitals in black ink, though. Yes, with a pen. You can get them from stationery shops. They have ink in. God! OK, type it then. Put an ‘a’, no, that’s a ‘capital A’. Press the shift key first, and then you’ll need a star, top of the keyboard in the middle. No, right a bit. That’s it. And now you have an excellent grade which will get you into Woolwich Metropolitan University for you to do A-levels, which used to be a degree course when it was a Polytechnic, so you’re doing very well.
Also accepted by employers who got far fewer qualifications than this certificate makes it possible for you to get.
A word of warning though. Certificates showing A, A* and even B grades will help, but others showing C or lower really won’t do as they’re pretty much irrelevant these days. So be careful. If in doubt get a grown up to help you, or look up anything you need on the internet, which will entail… No, hang on – you probably know all about that already.