A 6 foot 10 research scientist from Cambridge defied sceptics everywhere last night by demonstrating that despite ironic suggestions to the contrary he was in fact ‘big and clever’. The towering genius had irritated a number of journalists who had attempted to put him down with the stock criticism, only to have their rather ill-thought allegation disproved on both counts.
In an erudite and grammatically perfect statement, Dr Richard Aleck PhD (Cantab) spoke out at a special press conference against those ‘who have long sought to ensure that the phrase carries only sarcastic inferences’. Dr Aleck explained that his status as one of the tallest men in the east of England, coupled with his PhD from Cambridge and long-standing MENSA membership, gave him what he called ‘a cast iron claim on both counts’. Several reporters attempted to counter his assertion, saying ‘looks like someone’s got too big for his boots’. In fact, being so clever, Dr Aleck took particular care to purchase boots that were exactly the right size for him.
He was further puzzled by claims that he was a bit of ‘a clever dick’ when his high intelligence had already been demonstrated beyond all doubt and it was well-kown that his name was ‘Dick’. ‘Of course I’m a clever Dick’ what am I supposed to do about it?’ he said. Another reporter then accused him of being a ‘Smart Aleck’, but again, the former Mastermind winner had an unanswerable rejoinder. Eventually the journalist in question just punched him in the face, and the press pack felt that the point had been well made.