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Pools panel declare War on Terror ‘Away Win’

With the presidency of George W. Bush entering its final months, and ‘fixture backlog’ making it increasingly unlikely the US’s anti-terrorism engagements in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere will finish with a definitive conclusion before November’s election, the Littlewood’s Pools Panel have stepped in to declare the result of the ‘War on Terror’ an ‘Away Win’.

The panel, more used to predicting results on abandoned Scottish second division football fixtures, were surprised to be called upon to take a view on the conflict, as they ‘don’t usually do internationals’, but when it was explained that with the current US financial markets bailout plan, a $700bn wager was riding on the result, they seized the opportunity. ‘We haven’t had a challenge like this since Doncaster Rovers versus Leeds United in the 3rd round of the 1978 FA Cup,’ claimed a Littlewoods spokesman ‘but we’re not afraid of calling the big decisions.’

Other world powers on all sides of the political divide initially criticised the decision to put the final say on the global ideological schism to a group of former international footballers and retired referees as ‘grossly irresponsible’, until they were informed that the only alternative would be to go to extra-time in the Bush presidency.

Speaking on behalf of the Bush administration Condoleeza Rice said the ‘lads were gutted’ by the decision. Al-Qaeda management refused all media interviews on the orders of Osama Bin-Laden, following BBC News allegations that one of his nephews was an unscrupulous Premiership football agent.

The CIA meanwhile, seemed surprisingly happy to work with the Littlewoods team of pundits, and expressed particular interest in the results of next week’s ‘Spot the Bin-Laden’ competition.

nealdoran, deskpilot, mr lizard13

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Posted: Oct 8th, 2008 by deskpilot

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