The financial markets were thrown into further turmoil today when the bags under Gordon Brown’s eyes suffered their greatest single drop in any one day. The bags are now at an all time low with little sign of recovery and further falls expected in the next 24 hours.
‘These are dark times for the PM’s bags’ said BBC business editor Robert Peston, ‘Very dark indeed.’ Hopes that an emergency financial package might help prop up the PM’s sagging features proved forlorn, and there are now real fears of a complete facial collapse. ‘The trouble is that all of their expressions are connected’ explained Peston; ‘If Brown’s face continues to sink, then George Bush’s startled expression is likely to look even more confused and panic stricken.’ However fears that Alistair Darling’s greying hair might spread to his eyebrows proved unwarranted with the chancellor’s facial hair remaining in the black at the close of trading yesterday.
In the United States, Presidential candidate John McCain defended the capability of his face to endure any more bad news. ‘We are confident that the hair loss has stabilised and the worry lines are levelling out. We do not rule out anything to improve the outlook including plastic surgery if needs be.’ The face of the oldest ever Presidential candidate was then placed back in formaldehyde until his next public appearance.