World leaders agree rescue plan – ‘turn all the computers off and then turn them back on again’


An emergency summit of the Presidents and Prime Ministers of the G8 economies has hammered out a ‘workable rescue package’ that they claim will halt the current global economic meltdown and restore the markets to previous levels.

‘All these figures on the computers have got so complex and out of control, that we agreed it was probably best to turn the power off at the mains and see what happened when we turned them back on’ explained British Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

The synchronized global switch off was set for 00.00 EST, with all the markets closed for the duration. Angela Merkel and President Sarkozy took the batteries out of the back of their laptops to make extra sure, while Russia put the abacus back in the draw. Bankers and stockbrokers across the world waited with baited breath to see what would happen when all the trading, banking and share-dealing computers were re-started.

‘It was amazing’ said Robert Zoellick, President of the World Bank. ‘A little animated paperclip popped up on the screen blinking at us and raising his eyebrows. ‘I see you have lent more money than could be guaranteed with your securities,’ it said. ‘Would you like some help restoring the flow of capital around the global markets?’ We just on clicked yes, and ‘Clippie’ sorted it all out. This whole global economic meltdown could have been averted if we had gone to ‘Microsoft Help’ tab and enabled the Office Assistant.

However the big switch off did have some casualties. Alistair Darling was seen taking his laptop into a computer shop in Tottenham Court Road, after apparently failing to back up a document he had been working on for some time. ‘I don’t mind about losing all my high-scores on all the games and everything,’ he was heard to say, ‘but I just really need to retrieve this one big file called ‘Budget.Doc’

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Posted: Oct 13th, 2008 by

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