The newly elected United States President is to be stripped of his title, after a random drugs test revealed that Mr Obama’s urine sample, which was provided immediately before the final Presidential debate, was found to contain ‘above average’ levels of banned substances.
‘This is a stitch up; that sample has been tampered with!’ claimed the man many had expected to become America’s first black president. ‘How come it’s Fox News and the outgoing president that are in charge of political drug testing?’ Mr Obama’s sample allegedly contained unusually high levels of adrenaline, testosterone and beta blockers, even though he strenuously denies taking drugs. His situation was not helped by some of the celebrity supporters who rushed to defend his integrity. The athlete Marion Jones and musicians Snoop Dogg and Whitney Houston, all excused the test results with the explanation that he had been under a lot of pressure recently.
Under the rules, the title should pass to his nearest challenger, but a separate post race invesigation has found that Team McCain breached the strict regulations surrounding modifications and/or adjustments to bodywork and chassis, finding their political vehicle ‘almost entirely powered by launch control, pistons, puppetry and computers’. McCain will almost certainly have his points deducted from this final tally, with the result that the title is retained by the previous winner for the next four years.
7th November 2008