A woman from Stroud has caught Man Flu, prompting fears that women may have become susceptible to a new strain of the disease for the first time. Thirty-five-year-old Andrea Jennings complained of a sore throat and feeling ‘a bit bunged up’ and then instead of just struggling on regardless announced she was going to take the day off work and endlessly complain about how ill she was to her partner. It was at this point that government scientists confirmed Andrea was suffering from Man Flu.
‘I’ve had colds before and in many ways this very feels similar,’ said Andrea. ‘But since I realised it was Man Flu I’ve struggled to do anything more strenuous than lying the sofa watching Match of the Day DVDs and reruns of Top Gear on Dave. It’s been awful.’ Concerned that she might actually be dying caused Andrea to visit the doctor who gave her a patronizing chuckle and informed her that she just has a bit of a virus and advised her to take paracetamol and drink plenty of fluids. Scientists say that a rare mutation has caused the Man Flu virus to spread to women for the first time, although there have already been instances of Man Flu being passed to birds. In the Far East, millions of chickens were destroyed when farmers noticed them lying in bed all day, showing signs of headaches, dry mouths and other symptoms quite similar to those of a hang-over.
Although police have cordoned off the area around Stroud, experts say there are now real fears that a Man Flu pandemic infecting millions of women may follow. Andrea is currently being cared for by her husband, Roland, and is thought to have originally caught Man Flu from him. ‘Andrea’s symptoms are quite similar to what I had a few weeks ago, although when I had it, it was much worse.’
Srb (one line – tomorrow)