Feature; Your Handy Guide to how the Credit Crunch is Affecting You
Q. As a mother of seven I am worried that the value of my children may have fallen over the last year. My eldest daughter has been getting good grades at school but should I cash in now before her first GCSE year? I am also thinking that putting the twins into a hedge fund might protect against future market free fall but is it best to act now or hold on for a few months?
A. Selling your children is one of the most stressful decisions a parent has to make. I would not want to advise further without knowing your social status. Working class children are changing hands for a pittance at the moment but the market may recover in the next quarter. Upper class children attract premium rates however so now is a good time to sell especially if it looks like there is a risk that they are an underperformer.
Q. I am a level 3 Elf thief with strength 13, dexterity 14 and charisma 11. I have gained 250 experience points in the last few weeks and I also have a collection of blue vials taken from recently vanquished foes. How will the credit crunch affect me.
A. Bad news, I’m afraid. The blue vials are likely poison and are probably worthless. You will also no longer be able to roll 2 Dice in the chasm or the shadow woods, back to the single die. I would also seriously consider changing your allegiance to evil, if it is not already.
Q. Hi there. I am currently in possession of large amounts of booty, a chest of various trinkets, pieces of eight and doubloons. I have not invested this as of yet and I am unwilling to consider sharing these spoils with my men, who are a swarthy lot, dishonest as the day is long, but a finer more loyal crew ’tis hard to come by. Any thoughts?
A. I would not hesitate in recommending that you find a sandy beach and bury it all. A desert island with tax-exempt status would be ideal.
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Posted: Nov 15th, 2008 by NewsBiscuit
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