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Rare American chimp ‘close to extinction’

Environmentalists in the United States were furious last night that the White House was doing so little to protect endangered species around the world. The exasperated animal campaigners met with President George Bush and told him of their fears for the rare Texan chimp that may disappear completely by next January.

‘Them folks kept talking about this very rare ape, an incredibly close relative to you and me’ the President recalled. ‘They didn’t seem that upset about it because they seemed to keep laughing.’ The President was informed that the so called ‘Bush chimp’ is very stupid and simple, but can do a lot of damage if allowed to do whatever it wants. ‘They said he was going to extictivized,’ explained the outgoing President. ‘And then they started laughing some more.’

The ‘Texan Bush chimp’ was apparently once seen all over the United States, but has recently been increasingly reclusive. Now it is holed up in one closely guarded East Coast location, although it is not expected to survive far into next year. ‘It’s now officially endangerous’ explained the President.

During his briefing on species at risk, a concerned but puzzled looking President Bush was also told about the ‘mules’ giving the ‘elephants’ a really good kicking. ‘But my main concern is that there’s also this thing called a ‘lame duck; the lamest of lame-ducks’ they told me, which everyone can’t wait to see the back of. Poor thing, I’d hate to be that little guy!’

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Posted: Nov 21st, 2008 by NewsBiscuit

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