Spider given ASBO for frightening small woman


A large spider has been arrested and served with an Anti-Social Behavioural Order following an incident in which a young woman was seriously frightened by his alleged ‘alarming and aggressive behaviour’.

Little Miss Muffet from West Lothian had been sitting in her garden at her home in Linlithgow, when the arachnid landed beside her without warning causing Miss Muffet to be seriously startled. ‘I have not been near a tuffet since’ she said to puzzled reporters. ‘Nor have I eaten any more curds or whey’ she added, prompting further Googling from the assembled journalists. Miss Muffet has been having counselling since the incident, and has made it clear that she will be seeking substantial financial compensation for the distress caused.

A spokesman from the British Arachnid Society said that although it is regrettable that Miss Muffet was frightened by the incident, she has to accept that stealth and surprise are part of a spider’s natural behaviour and that the spider should not be held responsible for Miss Muffet’s irrational fear. ‘There are many people who welcome spiders for their useful role in catching and eating unwanted bugs and flies. This spider’s family have been living in the area since the time of Robert the Bruce.’

However, police think there may be a link with a previous crime in the area in which a spider was seen attempting burglary. The spider, described by witnesses as ‘incy-wincy’ had climbed up the inside of a drainpipe to reach an open window, but was thwarted by a sudden downpour of rain which flushed him out of the drainpipe’s spout. The police spokesman said that this persistent criminal spider only escaped their clutches because the sun came out and dried up all the rain and he escaped by climbing back up the same route.


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Posted: Nov 22nd, 2008 by

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