Buckingham Palace has confirmed today that this year’s Queen’s Christmas Message will be directed by Ang Lee, and will be called ‘The Windsor Supremacy’. The three hour long epic co-stars Vin Diesel and Jackie Chan and will feature explosions, kung fu fights and car chases in an attempt to boost flagging ratings.
‘I always stick the Queen’s speech on when I’m having a nap after Christmas dinner’ said Lee, ‘but try sleeping through this!’
The award winning director, whose films include ‘Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon’, said ‘think James Bond meets ‘Kill Bill’. There are spies, beautiful foreign assassins, martial arts punch-ups, car chases around the grounds of Balmoral, in-bred relatives, the lot. Her Majesty did all her own stunts as well. The scene where she punches Camilla through a plate glass window really is her’.
A statement released by Buckingham Palace said ‘Her Majesty acknowledges that her Christmas messages may have needed to do more to entertain the nation with so many other action adventures on the television during the festive season. She hopes that her people enjoy watching The Windsor Supremacy as much as she enjoyed making it’. The action adventure will be aired after the watershed due to scenes of a sexual nature and an overload of violence and bad language, although Lee would not reveal whether he used a body double for the Queen’s sex scenes.
Her Majesty is thought to be keen to try out a different film genre each year, with contenders being rumoured to be an animated family film called ‘The Wrong Crown’ and a rom-com called ‘Six Weddings, Six Divorces and a Car Crash’.
ianslat (one line sparky jim)