The Isle of Wight has moved swiftly to bring an end to the disorder that has broken out among the island’s carol singing community. Henceforth festive revellers will have to follow a strict code of practice laid down by the official Christmas Carol regulator ‘OfCarol’.
Confusion still reigns on the island with no official policy on whether singing should start as soon as the callers reach the doorstep. Many Ventnor residents have complained of being ‘duped’ into answering the door by silence, only for carollers to start singing while the householder stood there attempting to maintain a well-meaning smile. It is believed many residents may prefer ‘warning singing’, so they can pretend to be out, thus not only avoiding making payment, but also the social discomfort of deciding how much is appropriate.
OfCarol will also establish a ‘going rate’, so that payment can be made using a complex formula that takes into account the quality of singing, the difficulty of key changes, descants, solos and the number of verses sung. ‘Last week three hoodies just mumbled four lines of ‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas’ and then just held out their hands expecting a fiver,’ complained one Shanklin resident.
In Sandown last night, the emergency services had to be called when two rival groups of carollers squared up in the town’s main square. ‘We were enjoying ‘Silent Night’, when all of a sudden, we heard a second group start singing it in German,’ recalled one shaken witness. ‘Well, the first lot just sang that bit louder, but the ones across the street launched into ‘Oh Come All Ye Faithful’. It was beautifully sung, but before they’d even got to the second verse, the first bunch started singing it in Latin, complete with that tricky descant Soprano twiddly bit. Before we knew it, they were facing each other down in the middle of the street like something out of some ‘Gangsta Rap’ music video!’
Isle of Wight residents are hoping that the creation of OfCarol will save the island from the Carol singing anarchy that has overtaken the mainland where teenage boys accompanying their parents were reported singing rude versions of ‘We three kings of Leicester Square’ and shouting ‘Hosanna in ex-CHELSEA!’