Prime Minister Gordon ‘Ebenezer’ Brown has denied claims that he was taken surprise by three harrowing spectral visits in the run up to Christmas which caused him to turn from a dour tight-fisted miser to a generous give-away Prime Minister. The government dismissed the idea that Brown was frightened into a policy U turn as ‘ludicrous smear tactics’. ‘The visits of these ghosts was part of an organised summit and a range of policy shifts were discussed’, said a Downing Street spokesman.
Gordon Brown now claims that this Christmas will be made much easier for hard-working families and cited the example of a Mr Bob Cratchit as the type of middle-to-low earner who would gain under the new benefit changes. ‘We have reduced VAT by half of one per cent, and introduced a new system, which is not all that complicated, by which parents of disabled and tiny children can apply for tax credits on crutches, if a series of simple financial metrics are met to the satisfaction of a not enormous team of actuaries’ he explained, adding; ‘I have saved Christmas.’
One of the economic advisors, known only as ‘the ghost of socialism past’ is thought to have particularly disturbed the Prime Minister. ‘All we know is that Brown was clinging onto or clawing back every last penny until this so-called ghost summit’ said Nick Robinson. ‘Now he is bailing out companies, nationalizing the banks, giving out money all over the place. This morning he shouted ‘Happy Christmas Jaguar!’ and threw a load more money at them. It’s a shame all the cash is borrowed, but he said he’ll worry about that in the new year.’