Al Gore has been keeping his defeat in the 2000 Presidential election a secret from his wife, it emerged today. For the past eight years he has pretended to go off to work each day to ‘run the country’. So depressed was he about the outcome of the 2000 US presidential election, that he was unable to break the news of his defeat to wife Tipper after some television networks initially declared him the victor.
‘It’s been a struggle,’ admitted Gore in an interview with Fox News. ‘I’ve grown to hate that man Bush more than I thought could be possible. Not only do I get up each day to find that he’s doing the job I should be doing, I then have to pretend to go and do it anyway.’ Gore went on to describe how he has employed a team of ‘advisors’ and ‘security personnel’ to supervise wife Tipper and keep her away from all forms of media in case she caught on that her husband wasn’t actually the 43rd president of the United States.
‘Obviously Tipper was keen to get into the White House and make her mark on the place, but I had to keep stalling her,’ Gore explained. ‘At first I claimed it was being redecorated, but that only bought me a few weeks, so then I said there was subsidence. I was quite pleased with that one, but it was 9/11 that really put me in the clear. After that I was able to tell her that the CIA had credible intelligence the White House was a target for terrorists and it was best we just stayed put in the family home in Nashville, Tennessee.’
Although Gore admitted that he felt awful regaling his wife each night with accounts of his fictional successes while the real president fouled up the economy and foreign relations, it was filling the time that proved his biggest challenge. ‘To be honest, I’d never been too fussed about the environment or good causes,’ he said, ‘but everyone needs a hobby and there are only so many times I could recount all those votes cast in Florida.’
While Tipper Gore is reported to be looking forward to resuming normal life after the conclusion of husband Al’s ‘second term’ on 20 January, she has apparently written to Michelle Obama warning her that being First Lady may not turn out to be quite what she’d expected. Gore meanwhile has conceded that he’ll need to draw on all the qualities that made him one of America’s greatest presidents if he is to explain to his wife the recent deterioration in Israeli-Palestinian relations following the historic 2003 ‘President Gore Peace Accord’.