Orang-utan City banker bucks social mobility trend


An orang-utan who rose to become a leading City banker is compelling evidence that low social class is not a bar to success in Britain, claims Piers Farquharson (Rugby and Trinity, Cantab) a leading expert on social mobility: ‘Over the past few days it has been suggested that inequality in Britain has worsened and that people from poor backgrounds can’t easily succeed in the bastions of the British establishment. But there are few countries where an orang-utan could rise to become a leading derivatives trader.’

Another leading currency dealer Giles Gaveston (Eton and Balliol) who worked for a while with the orang-utan said: ‘Cocoa was very very good. On the floor of the Stock Exchange he seemed to hit the right computer keys and make the right gestures almost without thought. He was making millions for his employers. I was pretty envious of the massive bonuses he was earning.’

‘This case is a vindication of Labour policies for a more equal Britain,’ claimed Ed Balls (Oxford, Harvard). ‘The fact that a primate can be every bit as successful at making complex investment decisions as today’s bankers shows just how far we have come in stamping out inequality.’

Cocoa has since been head hunted and is now a director of one of the world’s leading banks. ‘I’m astonished that someone from such a lowly background could make the big time, ’admitted Piers, ‘especially when one has to say he rather lacked that public school polish. At the Lord Mayor’s banquet he tipped his soup over his head and spent the rest of the evening playing with his genitals. But by now he was so important that everyone else just followed suit.’


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Posted: Jan 18th, 2009 by

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