America today woke up to the news that George W. Bush will remain US president for a further four years after officials from the Electoral College ruled that he had failed to secure the grades needed to graduate from the White House. A sub-clause of the US Constitution requires a serving president to be held back and forced to repeat a term if he does not make the necessary progress.
‘There were clear signs during the President’s first term that led us to suspect he may have special leadership needs,’ said a spokesman for the Electoral College today, ‘and the second term did nothing to dispel those concerns. We put in place an intensive support programme, but despite some progress in subjects like walking and eating, the President’s end-of-administration results mean he’s not yet ready to join wider society.’
Told of his lack of progress in English, George Bush said he was ‘disappointmented’ but insisted he would make the grade next time round. ‘I am getting special tuitioning in English and extra helpings with geography. Though I already know quite a lot about the olden days.’
‘I just don’t understand it,’ said disappointed mother Barbara Bush today. ‘In his letters home George told us everything was going so well – I could tell from all the smiley faces in the pictures.’ But Barbara and George Bush Snr. remain hopeful that their son will make further progress, and that perhaps one day they will get to attend his graduation ceremony. ‘I know there was all that fuss over his entrance exams and whether he got enough marks to beat that Gore boy,’ said Barbara, ‘but since then he seemed to be making real strides.’
The Bush Presidency will forever be associated with the terrible images of September 11 2001, when the nation woke to see its President taking twenty minutes to finish a simple children’s picture book.