‘I want to end my life,’ said Max Friedland today, ‘but I don’t want to actually commit suicide. Which is why I have chosen a routine minor operation in an NHS hospital.’
Posted: Jan 5th, 2009
More from Health
Interim findings from a project at the University of Nottingham suggest that the traditional saying that fine words butter no parsnips could be proved correct within a matter of a few years. Research is continuing, but the growing excitement about a new breakthrough in science is palpable, with some talking of a potential Nobel Prize in the air.
‘As a child, I often heard my grandmother say that fine words butter no parsnips and it seemed self-evidently true,’ said Martin Parker, Emeritus Professor of Chemistry at the University. ‘As a scientist, however, I felt I had to prove it beyond doubt and I have made this my life’s work.’
Posted: Jan 3rd, 2009
More from Science/Technology
The Minister of Education, Ed Balls, has announced today that from September 2009, the teaching of hindsight will become a compulsory addition to the national curriculum at Key Stage 3 and above.
‘Clearly, the benefits of hindsight have long been recognised, but schools have provided little or no formal teaching of the subject to date. It is to remedy this deficit that we are moving straight to an expectation that a minimum of an hour per week’s hindsight will be taught to all children aged 11 plus’ from the beginning of the next academic year.’
Exclusively designed by the former President to be ‘warm, manly and timelessly appealing’.
Posted: Jan 2nd, 2009
More from Celebrity, World News
Genghis Cohen hasn’t received a more valuable porcelain honour since he beat hundreds of millions of rivals to be named World’s Best Dad last Father’s Day. Sadly that triumph proved no guarantor of domestic esteem, and the faded black eye he can be seen sporting in this photo is the result of a bitter dispute about the legality of flying knee-drops in living room wrestling.
A born winner, the renowned military strategist waited until his four-year-old son retired to bed and nailed the bastard in his sleep. One way or another, respect.
Read more of Genghis Cohen’s work here.
Posted: Jan 1st, 2009
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