Salesman promises Hadron Collider 2.0 really will be plug and play


Owners of the Large Hadron Collider are being persuaded to purchase the new version, with many of them admitting that the first one never really worked properly. ‘One or two of our customers did have a few little problems with the first version,’ admitted Darren Turnkey, sales manager for Hadron Collider Solutions, ‘but in general the response has been very positive.’

Turnkey was answering criticism that the first version of Hadron Collider had failed to deliver on any of its promises. Many users complained they couldn’t get it working, or those that did expressed general disappointment at the number of collisions. Some disgruntled customers even set up web sites to air their grievances, such as

‘If anyone actually bothered to read all the way through the user agreement, we never actually promised anyone a black hole,” said Turnkey. However, he wasn’t able to field other criticisms so easily. ‘I personally think the system was very easy to use. My wife managed to get it going,’ he said. ‘So yes, if she could use it, I would say it justified the description plug’n’play.’

Asked why the support line was permanently unavailable, Turnkey said, ‘We were busy helping other customers. We’re victims of our own success really.’
Hadron Collider 2.0 is not expected to be compatible with version 1. Turnkey denied that this was just about making as much money as possible, but then disappeared saying ‘We just don’t like winners in this country do we?’


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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2009 by

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