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Government agrees rescue package for snowmen

Gordon Brown has agreed emergency measures to save Britain’s snowmen, who it is feared are facing complete meltdown in the current climate. Having previously enjoyed a period of relative security throughout Monday and Tuesday, snowmen in the South-East in particular, are in danger of being reduced to just a rump ‘unless urgent measures are taken’.

The Prime Minister said in Parliament that snowmen were being lost at an alarming rate and that this was more than just a ‘face saving formula’ (although bits of coal were being provided for this as well). David Cameron lashed out at the plans, claiming that the government’s snowmen proposals were ‘all carrot and no stick’. The Liberal Democrats said that seasonal factors should be taken into consideration and perhaps we should come back to this problem in the summer. David Cameron also announced that the Conservatives may approach Raymond Briggs about setting up a ‘Snowman task-force’ to devise a workable plan for Britain’s hardworking snowmen and women.

However there were concerns that not all snowmen were deserving of emergency government support from the so-called ‘slush fund’. Some have been photographed lounging around on park benches, while others have been reported for exposing their genitals in public places. One guilty snowman claimed ‘exposing my penis like this really isn’t me. Honestly, this big thing was stuck on afterwards by a couple of schoolboys.’

andrewtaylor (one line malgor)

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Posted: Feb 4th, 2009 by andrewtaylor

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