In a move set to plunge the BBC into further controversy, BBC Radio 2 has announced it will not be playing the new charity single for Gaza due to its sophistication and rigorous historical accuracy. ‘Artists for a UN Brokered Two State Palestinian Solution Rolled Out Over Five Years or Maybe Slightly Longer’ is the brainchild of Annie Lennox, also featuring contributions from George Michael, Bono, Sting, Chris Martin, Amy Winehouse, and, due to unforeseen circumstances, Blake Fielder-Civil.
Radio 2 Controller Bob Shennan denied that they were banning the song ‘Palestine: Look, it’s Actually Really Complicated’ for reasons of political bias: ‘I can confirm that the song is scrupulously fair and balanced, but why can’t they just sing about war being bad and peace being good like they usually do?’
The single begins with a spoken-word excerpt from the 1917 Balfour Declaration, read by Lily Allen. Verse one is a summation of the 1920 Treaty of Sevres sung by Keane’s Tom Chaplin in authentic Ottoman Turkish, using the non-pentatonic Hejaz musical scale. This leads into the chorus: ‘Oh Palestine, What a bittersweet legacy Churchill left you, With his controversial re-partitioning of 1922.’
A 45 second rap from Dizzee Rascall covers the Irgun terrorist attacks of 1937-1948 and sketches out details of the key European ideologues that have shaped Hamas’ current political ideology. Speaking for ‘Artists…’ Annie Lennox explained ‘To be honest, when I hear all those charity records I used to sing on, I feel really embarrassed; they’re all so trite and simplistic. These are hugely complex issues – even more convoluted as the failed relationships that I sing about between charity projects. It’s about time the fundraising single stopped resorting to glib platitudes.’
In a separate move, Channel 4 has announced it will no longer be premiering the video, due to the absence of crying babies, smiling children or doves with olive sprigs. ‘It’s just a succession of old photos showing old statesmen shaking hands with each other and signing treaties’ complained T4’s director of music Pippa Getty, ‘What’s edgy about that?’ Radio 1 has also banned the single, but not for reasons of geo-political complexity: ‘I don’t care if it explains the whole Palestinian problem and offers a workable solution’ said the station’s controller; ‘it’s got Sting and Annie Lennox on it for fuck’s sake.’