The government confirmed yesterday that the United Kingdom is on course to meet 100% of its herbal needs using home-grown cannabis by the end of next year, and may even become a net exporter by 2011.
‘This is great news for British spliff farmers, and proves we can compete with Lebanon and Morocco, even in a global downturn’ said a spokesman for the Department of the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs.
‘We’ve always advocated fresh, locally produced weed, preferably organic,’ said Jim Stone of the Federation of British Blow Growers. ‘What could be more natural than strolling to your local hydroponic farmer, climbing up to the attic, and picking up an eighth? We’re thinking of asking Prince Charles to become our patron.’
Environmentalists expressed concern about the impact of 6,000 watt bulbs burning day and night in every street of the land, but subsequently calculated it would halve the number of direct flights between London, Kingston Jamaica and Amsterdam. They now think the local hemp movement will stall further airport expansion.
But dealers have complained about being sidelined. ‘Consumers want choice,’ said Dave Price of the Cutters and Rollers Association. ‘If you go to the farmer, what’s he going to have? Just Black Widow? We’ve got the lot here – and it’s fair trade!’